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April 30, 2008 05:50 pm
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Parents can equip teens to stand up to peer pressure
Parenting column: Parents can communicate to teens that their worth and identity aren't found within a group of friends and that you love them for their uniqueness and individuality, not their ability to blend in.
By Mat Anderson
CNHI News Service
JOPLIN, Mo. — Peer pressure is one thing that all teens have in common.
No matter how popular or well liked a teen is or how mature he or she may feel, sooner or later all teens will have to face peer pressure.
Whether it is pressure to conform to a group norm or pressure to act a certain way, all teens make dozens of decisions each day that are influenced by what the people around them say and do.
This kind of influence can be both positive and negative. After all, it’s human nature to listen to and learn from people similar to you. It’s also natural for people to identify with and compare themselves to their peers as they consider who they want to be or think they should be. Teens are often influenced by peers because they want to fit in, be like peers they admire, do what others are doing, or have what others have.
However, peer pressure in the teen years often has negative effects. This is because even when teens aren’t pressured to engage in activities like sex and the use of drugs and alcohol, they may still feel a need to conform in other ways in order to fit in. This is detrimental to teens because teens can develop a practice of being followers rather than leaders and instead of pursuing their own interests and preferences; they emulate what those around them are doing in order to feel accepted.
How successfully teens handle peer pressure depends a great deal on how they feel about themselves and their place in the world. There are certain personality traits that make some teens more prone to give in to pressure. These traits include low self-esteem, no personal interests exclusive of one’s peer group, feeling isolated from peers or family, poor academic performance and lack of strong friendships.
Because of the possible negative consequences of peer pressure it is important for parents to do all they can to prepare their teen to stand up to peer pressure and make good decisions.
The Search Institute suggests these tips for parents:
Know your teen’s friends — and their enemies. Even if you haven’t met them all in person, find out their names and what kind of influence they have on your teen.
Talk about values and morals with your teen. What’s important to you? Do you want your teen to succeed in school; be caring and helpful toward others; not use tobacco, alcohol, or drugs; and not have sex? Be clear about your values and why you have the values that you do. Teens can’t resist negative peer pressure if they don’t know what’s right and wrong.
A key part of growing up is learning how to make up your own mind. The first place your teen can practice this is at home. When your teen wants to make a decision that’s different from yours, respect that choice (as long as it’s not harmful). If your child can gradually learn to stand up to you, he or she will learn to stand up to others.
Talk to your teen about the cost of saying no. It is hard to say no most of the time because it can often cost them friendship or social status. Talk about how the true test of values is the willingness to stand up for them regardless of the cost.
Through these practices parents can communicate to teens that their worth and identity aren't found within a group of friends and that you love them for their uniqueness and individuality, not their ability to blend in.
By doing this you can equip your teens to be leaders and successfully stand up to peer pressure with confidence.
Mat Anderson is the staff writer and research specialist at The Bridge in Joplin, Mo. His column is published in The Joplin Globe. For more information visit futureparadigm.org.
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