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March 27, 2008 06:58 pm
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Photos
The Joplin Globe
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‘Dirt Brown’ perfect color for kitchen floor
Column: It’s not so much that my wife and I are fond of the color brown as much as it is we are fond of what the color brown can do.
By Mike Pound
CNHI News Service
— Last year, when my wife and I discussed what color we wanted our new kitchen floor to be, we didn’t have to discuss much.
My wife and I knew that the best color for our new kitchen floor would, of course, be brown. It’s not so much that my wife and I are fond of the color brown as much as it is we are fond of what the color brown can do. It can hide dirt, is what it can do.
Our old kitchen floor, before our dog Shilo ate it, had a black and white pattern. My wife picked out the black and white pattern. My wife told me she loved our black and white kitchen floor. She told me it reminded her of kitchen floors from the 1950s. I pointed out that the reason the black and white floor reminded her of kitchen floors from the 1950s was because everything was in black and white during the 1950s. I told my wife they didn’t invent color until the 1960s. My wife told me I was a moron.
But after a while, my wife decided she didn’t like our black and white kitchen floor. And by “after a while,” I mean after the first time I tracked dirt from our back yard into our kitchen. By the way, my wife knew I was the one who tracked dirt into our kitchen because I’m usually the only person who ventures too far into our back yard. The reason I’m the only one who ventures too far into our back yard is because I’m the only one who takes out the trash at our house.
My wife’s not a fan of taking out trash. When we moved into our house, my wife made sure that I placed our outdoor trash cans as far away from our house as possible. We have a big back yard. So when I take out our trash, I have to pack a lunch. If for some reason my wife notices that our kitchen trash can is full, she will remove the trash bag, tie it and toss it out our back door. That is my wife’s way of telling me to “haul the *&^%$*& trash out to the back yard trash cans.”
I don’t know the reason my wife won’t take out the trash but I’m thinking it has something to do with the reason she won’t clean out the cats’ litter box: She doesn’t want to.
I don’t know how things work at your house, but at our house, if my wife doesn’t want to do a household-related chore, she doesn’t have to. I don’t think that’s fair. One time, many years ago, I mentioned to my wife that I didn’t think it was fair that she didn’t have to clean out the cats’ litter box, and my wife pulled a Dick Cheney on me.
“So?” my wife said.
My wife, on the other mop, does clean our kitchen floor. I do, too, but my wife seems to care about cleaning our kitchen floor more than I do, so she probably cleans it more than I do. That’s why my wife quickly grew to hate our old black and white kitchen floor. The way she saw it, the second after she would clean the floor it would get dirty again. My wife was constantly, it seemed, battling dirt on our kitchen floor.
But now that we have a brown kitchen floor, she doesn’t have to battle dirt as much as she once did. See, since most of the dirt that manages to find its way onto our kitchen floor tends to be a brown-like color, it tends to get lost in the brown that is our kitchen floor. In fact, I think the official name for the color we picked for our kitchen floor is “Dirt Brown.”
It’s a popular color.
The other day, I came up from our basement after a strenuous couple hours of watching NCAA basketball and drinking beer, and noticed our kitchen floor looked a little dirty. Then I realized that I couldn’t remember the last time my wife or I had cleaned our kitchen floor.
That’s never a good sign.
I looked over at Shilo lying in the corner of our kitchen floor. I started to ask Shilo if she could remember the last time we had cleaned our kitchen floor. But then I realized that was a dumb thing to do, for a couple of reasons.
Reason No. 1: Shilo is a dog and thus can’t talk. And even if she could talk I’m not sure she would be able to remember the last time my wife or I cleaned our kitchen floor.
And:
Reason No. B: Shilo wasn’t actually lying in the corner of our kitchen floor. What was lying in the corner of our kitchen floor was a pile of Shilo’s fur. It was brown. It had evidently been there for several days.
Did I mention that brown is a good color for a kitchen floor?
Mike Pound writes for The Joplin (Mo.) Globe.
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